The World’s Greatest Nude Footrace. The Meredith Gift is a completely nude sprint of USUALLY about 80 metres and takes place on the Sunday of each Meredith, in the Amphitheatre, to an enthralled full crowd of around twenty five million. HOWEVER this year for the first time in its history The Gift will be run and won over a new extended track; instead of being a straight dash, competitors will run AROUND the Amphitheatre – yep, a Nude Loop Around The Sup’.
Special Gift Mistresses The Town Bikes will be on hand to enforce Marshal Law. And verrrrry special guest commentator is US comic actor JB Smoove.
2011 – THE GREATEST GIFT?
Last year’s was an epic Meredith Gift. Commentated by the legendary sportscaster Dennis Cometti, ably assisted as usual by special Gift Mistresses The Town Bikes, the Men’s Final ended in a dead heat between three-time-champ and World Nude Distance record-holder JK (who endured a horrible run of ill fortune, before finally nailing his first crown a few years ago)…and some other dude. They were, um, neck-and-neck down the home straight and both dived on the fluffy blue heeler at the same time.
A titanic wrestle ensued, with no clear winner; the crowd were baffled, Dennis wasn’t sure what to do, when a chant of ‘RACE OFF’ went up…Dennis duly saluted and a Race Off took place. By now the Gift was running well overtime but not one person had left the stadium. New World Records were set by both runners in the Race Off, but it was crowd favourite and Meredith hero JK who came up trumps. And so an absolute epic had the grandstand finish it deserved. JK left the track with his reputation only enhanced, and Dennis Cometti walked off stage to thunderous applause and cheering – having thoroughly won over the last-day crowd with his off-the-cuff hilarity and willingness to participate in the very right spirit. Thanks, Dennis. Come back one day?
WHY AND HOW
See below for The Rules. Anyone at the festival can enter (it’s free), as long as they are nude. It all started in 1994 when one of the bands was late to arrive on the Sunday. What do we do, we wondered. Have a race involving the patrons. Winner gets cold beer. Some guy wandered to the front of the stage as this was being announced and asked what he would win if he did it in the nude. MORE cold beer, of course. The following year the race was held again – as it was a talking point from the year before – and several people got nude, completely on their own accord. The year after we had to limit entry to only fully nude people, as there were so many people wanting to run. If you haven’t seen a Meredith Gift, it’s pretty funny. It can be a bit confronting and tragic too, but mostly funny. There’s always a crash, nude people tumbling along at speed, grass burns, injured penises, etc.
DEFINITELY WORTH A LOOK:
You can watch some footage of previous Classic Gifts.
HIS AND HERS HEATS, THEN A FINAL
This year there will be heats for the gents and then heats for the ladies. There will be six caps strewn across the track near the finish line of each heat. The 12 competitors who grab a cap then go through to The Final. The Final will be run immediately after The Heats, and will involve those twelve successful cap-grabbers racing for The Golden Jocks as usual. The first lady to pass the post will take out The Golden Gusset.
THE TOWN BIKES
The Marvellous Town Bikes are an institution in their role as Special Gift Mistresses; taking registrations, issuing instructions, marshalling the runners and most wonderfully firing the starter’s pistol. Believe me, you will do what they tell you.
REGISTER
All competitors must register by going to the Big Tree near The Gift Shoppe at 1pm and signing an Indemnity Form, then getting a stencil sponged onto their torso. The Gift runs at about 2pm Sunday.
THE RULES OF THE MEREDITH GIFT
- Anyone at the Festival can enter.
- ALL entrants must be nude or underpanted.
- Gaffer tape can be used to fix the underpants to the buttocks, to prevent riding. ‘Wedgies’ are always welcomed and often amusing.
- Any competitor wearing Lycra will be set on fire.
- Spectators must stand well behind the sidelines unless they want to trip someone over.
- Competitors may NOT drive their car instead of running.
Past winners include
The Two-Bearded Man, Trevor and three time champs Richo The Plumber and JK (aka Jarrod Red Cap).
